Who cares?

I really need to confide in someone right now. But I literally have no one to talk to. I feel like breaking down in tears. I've tried, believe me I've tried but always, always my attempts have failed miserably. My cries are left ignored as if it is insignificant. As if I'm merely discussing how unruly the weather is today or how annoying my teacher is. As if my well being itself is not important. It's as if they're thinking "Who cares if Shahira is unhappy? Not me? Not you? Well then who?"

One moment I'm bringing up the topic; I'm about to confide my worries, my frets, and suddenly we're talking about how who's celebrity crush is with some dumb girl. And I'm left laughing and putting on this fake smile which I'm shocked everyone can even believe. I must be that good of an actress. Almost as good as all of them.

Lies. I'm surrounded by them. I don't even know who to believe nowadays. Some of them can even smile and laugh with me while they keep feeding me lie after lie after lie. 'Don't worry, I won't ever do that to you', 'Shahira, I'm your best friend. Best friends would never do that to each other!'

Well, if you say so than why are you doing that to me now? How can people just say stuff like that and reassure you and then just stab you behind your back? It's appalling.

And secrets. Ah secrets. Told when someone is at their most vulnerable state to people they truly trust. A trust that comes with a false assurance that it will never be told to a single soul.

"You have to promise me you won't tell anybody!", "I promise, I won't tell anybody. Who would I tell?"

Everybody that's the answer. You would tell anybody and everybody. Well, you know what they say, promises are meant to be broken, and secrets aren't meant to be kept. I've heard a lot of secrets which were meant to be kept and I sit here and wonder "What if I had told them? Would they have kept it like they promised?" and I'm disappointed that the answer that immediately comes to mind is "No. Not in a million years." They'll tell me the secret, the secret they probably swore never to utter again and say "You have to make sure you don't tell anybody! NOBODY IS SUPPOSED TO KNOW." and the cycle goes on and on. Promises made- secrets told- secrets retold to every person they know- promises broken.And some of them wonder why I never tell them anything. There's nothing to tell, yes, but if there were I wouldn't even tell a single soul.

As the saying goes, "Two can keep a secret, if one of them is dead." And I believe that 100%

Freedom, finally here,

PMR IS FINALLY OVER. No more counting the days 'till the dreaded PMR, it's over! I can finally see it's rear behind after all of the stress leading up to it. Felt so liberated as soon as the examiner took the last paper! Spent the whole time after school running to friends and hugging them and doing crazy things like weird pony tail flipping dances hahaha! Now I just gotta be nervous bout my results... NAHH NOT GONNA THINK ABOUT IT.

It feels like it's been a year since I posted anything on this blog. Had to go on a hiatus from blogger, twitter and tumblr because I had to focus on my studies. Not for the next 2 months though! Reading back the old posts, I can't help but smile to myself because it was all about stressing over exams and what not, ahahaha not anymore suckerrrrrrrr! Well at least for now ahaha.

There are so many things I wanna do now that PMR is over. I even made a list (which I keep in my purse at all times, JUST IN CASE) hehehe. Here's the list;

Things to do after PMR!

-Climb Broga Hills
-Port Dickson (mehh)
-Walk the streets of KL and Bangsar with my lovelies <3
-DANCE CLASS
-LEARN TO PLAY THE SAXOPHONE
-Take up a new language (or maybe 2, or 3 or 4 or... I can go on and on foreverrrr)
-Dye my hair the same colour as Emma Watson's (I LOVE HERR)
-Ice-skating/Sunway Lagoon
-Movie marathon sleepover (STRICTLY NO ONLINING)
-Day trip to Singapore (UNIVERSAL STUDIOS/SENTOSA ISLAND OOHHH YEAH)
-CLEAN UP MY ROOOOOM

and there's probably more to come! Ahh, freedom tastes so sweet!

I already did the 'walk the streets of KL' part of the list today with my friends but we didn't really walk, after a while it got really tiring and it was way too hot so we just decided to go to Times Square. Cosmo World was practically empty ahahaha, and I only rode 2 rides, the really fast ride which is the first thing you see when you walk in and bumper cars ahaha. I'm not a big fan of rides, since almost all have to do with HEIGHTS. Ughhh, I hate heights! I had an awesome time nonetheless with my friends, and I wouldn't mind doing that again at all! It's not where you are that counts, it's who you're with right?

Went back home by LRT. The doors didn't close on any of us this time around, thank god! The ride felt surprisingly fast although we had to stop at about 9 or 10 stations before we got to ours. Times flies when you're with your friends and having fun chit chatting.

Having another outing with friends tomorrow. After that I'm done for the week! I'm dead tired and I gotta get some much needed beauty sleep, my skin got so bad leading up to PMR, ughhh! Sometimes its really hard being a teenager. Wait, actually most of the time it is!

Can't wait 'till I've accomplished all there is to do on the list. And I will, you just wait and see!

Yeah, I haven't updated in the longest period of time everrr. It's the usual had-to-study-and-I'm-too-busy excuse, heh. I don't even have time to read books anymore.

Anyway, right now as I am typing this stupid post, most of my friends are probably jumping and screaming their lungs out at the Super Junior concert. Goshh, so unfairrrr, I feel like crying. But whatever I bet there's like a billion better things to do then go to that stupid concert anyway. Imma list all of the better things to do then go to the concert just to convince myself that there is, hmmph!


Better Things To Do Then Go To The Super Junior Concert

Sorry for the humongous space, I couldn't think of anything better to do, UGH.


Today has been a bad day for me, even though I got some stuff that I wanted but it was still a bad day for me. I guess it's because I couldn't stop thinking about the concert and the fact that I couldn't go and see Henry live in action (T_T) and some other things happened that bugged the hell outta me so I was in a bad mood for most of the time today.

And I guess the fact that I ALMOST could go to the freaking concert made me even more mad and sad. Too bad my cousin couldn't go to the concert with me, if not my parent's maybe would've given me the green light. I say maybe because they don't really like concerts, but this concert is gonna be filled with crazy screaming teenage girls and maybe a few guys and older women and what not, nothing dangerous is gonna happen but whatever, too late now neways. Someone I knew got VIP tickets and a backstage pass but she couldn't go and what did she decide to do with the ticket? She decided to laminate it and keep it for memories. Personally I think it's a waste but whatever it's hers, she could like frame it up or burn it for all I care.

Whateverr, when 2pm comes I am sooooo gonna go, they BETTER come or else I am gonna be one mad fan (I won't be mad at Nichkhun though ♥)


AND HOMG THIS FREAKING POST EDITOR WTV CRAP ISN'T FREAKING LISTENING TO ME GOSH I DISLIKE TODAY.

oh nos

it's 8.06 p.m. right now and I'm listening to The Strokes when I'm supposed to be studying Geography right now since about 25 chapters are coming out for exam which I've only got a week to study for and I've only studied 5 not-so-important chapters and I tried studying just now but nothing came in at all, instead I think my brain is practically empty right now.

I don't know what to doooo, I'm so freaking worried about exams but I can't seem to get anything in this weirdly huge but empty head of mine.

And the 25 chapters to study is only for Geography, imagine if I add up the chapters I have to study for Sejarah, and Agama, and Math and Science and homggg, I'msodonefor.

It'll be alright

Okay I take back what I said in the post before about how I've gotten over Korean boys. I so have not. And it's all because I slept over Elyanie's house with Nabila and my sister and if I hang out with Nabila and Elyanie, there's no way we won't be drooling over korean guys. So yeah, influenced by them again, haihhh.

My parents said that the sleepoverat Elyanie's house was the last sleepover for the year :( I have to focus on my studies since PMR is looming nearer and nearer so I'm not mad or anything. It's what's best for me.

I had fun at Elyanie's house. We watched 'My Little Bride' this movie Nabila brought along 'cause she said that we absolutely have to watch it. And it was one of the best korean movies I've ever watched ever in my whole entire life. The ending wasn't really fulfilling 'cause they didn't kiss. I mean they have to kiss right, so that the ending would be perfect! Touch lips would be fine, anything but a kiss on the forehead that's so good friend-ish. I was so annoyed but whatever, the lead actor and actress were so sweet together, makes me wanna cry ♥

Tomorrow will be the last day before school starts again. Ugh, I'm gonna have to go back to that hell-hole. And I haven't even finished any of my folios, I haven't even started on some of them so tomorrow will be Finish-all-projects-and-study-whole-day Day.

YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY.

Looooook, at that handsome boyyy

I AM SO OVER KOREAN BOYS ♥

I feel so pandai ahaha

too bad I'm notttttt.

The reason for me feeling smart right now? I figured out how to load film in to my Smena 6! And I did it all by myself okays *grins proudly* I was feeling really annoyed about the fact that I still don't know how to load film into my Smena, so I decided to do research for one last time. And the results turned up zilch because I wasn't so sure if the Smena 6 has a take up spool. Then I remembered that if they sell cameras in eBay they usually take pictures of the canera they're selling from every angle and they'll show the inside of the camera so I decided to look at 'em pictures.

I saw that the Smena 6s in eBay didn't have a take up spool too. But they had this thing that looked like a roll of film only no film in it and mine had one too. So I was like "hmm, maybe that's the cassette they were talking about" so I looked at mine, analyzed (cehhhh) it and saw that the cover could be opened if you turned it. So I did andPOP! Out came a thing that looked like a take up spool! I was like "OMGG DADD DADDDD DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD!" because a few minutes before I made this amazing discovery I was talking to my Dad about the fact that I still don't know how to load the film.

So I was like "DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD!" and to my dismay, Dad wasn't even at home -_- Adik was like "He's not at home la! HAHAHA!" 'cause I was running downstairs like a scientist who just found out the cure to cancer or something so I must've looked like a right idiot. I was like -______-''

So anyway, went online and research research, found out you have to tape the film to the take up spool-ish thingy and yada yada yada yada then DONE. I feel so proud heeeeeheeeeees. So I can finally use the Smena 6, and since I know I can use it now, I'm gonna name it...

MASKVA 8D

as in MAS-KVA 8DDDDDDDD

That's how Russians say Moscow (I know 'cause that's what my cousin said and I googled "how to pronounce Moscow in Russian", ah I'm so lame ahaha ;p)


On a completely unrelated note; Sunday is a special day for a lot of people. Chinese New Year and Valentines Day soo,

GONG XI FA CHAI AND HAPPY VALENTINES DAY TO EVERYONE.

Be my valentine? :)

P.S: Just kidding, Valentines Day is so shitty ;p